Query Letters: This, too, is a dark place of the earth

Trying to write a query letter feels like second quarter calculus. I can recognize the numbers but they don’t come together in any way that makes sense. Both things fill me with frustration and rage. *sigh* I’ve had two attempts completely gutted on critique forums. It is nice to have people who understand the conventions of querying take a look, so I don’t keep looking like a complete idiot when I submit.